Vodka Brings Nothing but Pain
by ToKillaBunny
Summary: Harm has Mac over for an evening of brainstorming when she hits the bottle and Harm has to pull her out Rated T: Foul language. UPDATE! chapter 6
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own JAG, the characters, Smirnoff, or any thing else I for got to mention.

A/N: Harm and Mac are an item but other than that it can be any where in any of the seasons. Just a little fluff I though up listening to Breaking Benjamin's So Cold THIS IS NOT A SONF FIC SO PLEASE DO NOT DELETE MY ACCOUNT!!!!!

P.S. I would really appreciate it if you would R&R I posted a story on here B4 and no one reviewed it. I was heart brokensobs Please don't break the heart of a poor writer again and review.

P.P.S. this is my first real fic so constructive criticism is always welcome just no flames please it just degrades your intelligence.

**Vodka Brings Nothing but Pain**

Harmon Rabb was in high spirits. He and Mac were working on a case to together and, unless their client brandished a gun in the court room, winning was all but guaranteed. He had left to pick up a surprise dinner for them. He stifled a laugh at the thought of Mac munching down a beltway burger and fries and him Lo Mein by candle light. He shifted the food to his left hand and opened the door

"Hey Mac I thought you could use some…" the first thing Harm noticed was the pungent smell of alcohol in the air. The second was the sight of Mac sitting on the side of the bed with her head in one hand, and a bottle of Smirnoff in the other. "You've been drinking." He said in a quiet voice. She looked up at him; her features glazed because of the vodka took another big gulp of the chronic and replied "No shit"

"Why don't you give me the bottle?" He said calmly reaching for it with his right hand. She gave a laugh and stood up "Now why the hell would I do that!?!" she exclaimed ambling towards the couch. "Because I'm your friend, and I care about you." "Really, well I'll just bet you heard from your daddy. In fact I'll bet good ole dad would have been a great father if he were there."

He pursed his lips. It was all he could do from leaving her to drown in her sorrows, and booze, right there. She threw her head back and laughed before she spoke again. "Vodka's my only friend." He gritted his teeth and walked towards her "No its not" he said his voice strong and unwavering "But it sure as hell can take them from you" With that he grabbed the bottle out of her hand and threw it against the wall, shattering it to pieces.

She gave him a look of pure hate. "You son of a bitch" she spat climbing off the couch and running to the liquor cabinet, only to find Harm had padlocked the door shut. Mac began pounding on the door, trying in vain to get it opened. He stood ten feet from her with his arms crossed. She turned back to him, "Give me the key" she demanded in a loathsome voice. "No" he replied coldly. She stared into his eyes hers filled with rage and fury. He stared straight back, his eyes cold as steel.

She got up ran over to her bedside table, rummaged through a drawer, and turned holding a pistol. "I'll say it one last time, give me the goddamn key" she pointed the gun at him. Harm chuckled and reached into his pocket. His hand emerged with the key.

"Is getting drunk really worth killing some one over" he said as he twirled the key on his middle finger and walked towards her. She pulled the hammer back but he didn't miss a step. He walked until his face was less than an inch from the barrel and he spoke. "If drinking is worth so much to you…" he paused as he looked at the gun barrel, which was starting to shake just slightly. "Then shoot me take the key and drink till your hearts content"

Tears rolled down her cheeks and the gun barrel was shaking erratically. Harm felt a pang of guilt making her go through this, but it had to stop. He mustered up all his courage and yelled "YOU WANNA DRINK SO BAD!? SHOOT ME!"

Mac let out a cry, threw down the pistol and fell into Harms waiting embrace. "I hate you!" she sobbed pounding his chest with her fists "IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOU" she screamed. Harm simply held her tight, stroked her hair and cooed "shhh, its ok, it's going to be alright" this went on for at least an hour before Mac finally settled down and fell asleep in his arms.

Harm picked her up and laid her on her side in bed. After which he slumped in a chair and cradled his head in his hands. Was it really worth it, the stress on her, and the stress on _him_? He looked at her sleeping so peacefully. The moonlight danced through the billowing curtains of an open window and across her features. And, suddenly seeing her at peace like that made everything he'd went through worth it.

He took a shower, put on a fresh pair of pajamas, and climbed into bed next to her. Just before he went to sleep he leaned over whispered in her ear "I love you Mac" and kissed her on the cheek. He lay on his back running through tonight's events one last when time he felt her roll over lean up to his ear and whisper "I love too Harm" and planted a kiss on his cheek.

He felt a lump in his throat, chocking him and the sting of tears in his eyes

His hand searched for hers, and hers for his until their hands met and their fingers intertwined under the blankets.

They went to sleep, with alcohol the last thing on their minds.

A/N: Well there you have it. Hope it gave you the same fuzzy feeling it gave me to write it. R&R and please tell me if the characters were out of well character :p

P.S. I was thinking of writing a bigger fic but in no one reviews then I won't waste my time writing for no one.

Signed –tokillabunny


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Same as last chapter.

A/N: Thanks for the kind reviews. Because of them I decided to expand on this story a bit. You will find out why Mac turned to the bottle and a few other tidbits.

**Learning the Truth and the Sadness that Follows**

A quiet beeping woke Harm, alerting him that it was six thirty, and time to make a phone call. He silenced the noise with a button press to his watch, and silently climbed out of bed. Mac had shivered and harm noticed that, when he had climbed out of bed, the blanket had been pulled down around her waist.

He gently lifted it up and placed around her neck. Looking at her face again and wondered what in Gods name would have drove her to drinking. He shook his head, went to the phone, and dialed the number to the admiral's office. It rang twice before the admiral answered in a gruff "Hello" "Good morning sir um… I was wondering if I could talk to you about something." The admiral could tell by the tone of his voice that it had something to do with a certain female marine. "Sure Commander, what's on your mind" "Well sir, Mac was at my place brainstorming last night, I went out to pick up some food and when I got back she was drunk."

"Oh my" the admiral said careful not to let too much worry creep into his voice "how bad" "Pretty bad" he whispered looking at the stain where the alcohol had run down the wall. "Any way I was wondering if…" "Granted" the admiral interrupted already knowing what Harm was going to ask. "What about the hearing?" Harm questioned. "I'll take care of things here, you take care of Mac. Deal?" the admiral asked. "Yes sir thank you sir." Harm said touched by the admiral's kindness. "Just let me know if there's anything else I can do." The admiral said. "Yes sir, I will sir, thank you sir." He replied and placed the phone back in its receiver.

He walked over to the bed and saw that Mac was still fast asleep. He felt sadness pulling at his heart. "Why Mac?" he whispered gently caressing her cheek. "Why would you start drinking again?" She reached up and took his hand startling him so much that he almost pulled his hand away.

"Harm" she whispered so quietly that he almost missed it. "What" he said gently as he knelt down so that he was eye to eye with her "What is Mac?" her eyes opened and tears started streaming down her cheeks. "Mac you can talk to me I'm here" he whispered wiping away her tears with his free hand. "It's Chloe" Macs voice broke, she took a deep breath to steady her nerves and spoke again. "She's dead" Mac cried, and began to sob uncontrollably.

"Oh God I'm so sorry" Harm said climbing into bed with her and taking her into his arms. Suddenly every thing fell into place, why she had been drinking, why the admiral had been so considerate. He felt tears streaming down his own cheeks as he sat there, cradling her in his hands.

Thanking God that she was with him when it happened.

A/N: This was a sad chapter wasn't it? I actually had me choked up.

Any who please R&R I will write more if I get reviews with tips on how to be a better writer. Thanks for reading

Signed –tokillabunny


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing, NOTHING!!!

A/N: Sorry about the late update stinking school any who I really like this chapter I think it turned out good. I'm not too good a writing romance so I'm sorry if those parts aren't that great.

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**Breakfast and Talking**

Mac cried for the better part of an hour before Harm believed she was up to talking about it. "How'd she die?" he asked planting a comforting kiss on her cheek. Mac took a few shuddering breathes before answering.

"She was riding in the woods and um…" she paused to blink the tears from her eyes. "She went to cross a stream when her horse threw her off and…" she pursed her lips in an effort to keep from breaking down again. Upon seeing this Harm put his arm around her and pulled her into a tight embrace. She placed her head on his shoulder and continued in a whisper. "She hit her head on a rock, it knocked her unconscious and she drowned." with that she buried her face in his shoulder and began crying again.

"Mac I'm so sorry" Harm whispered in her ear, his voice laden with sympathy. She pulled away from his shoulder and looked into his eyes "No Harm I'm the one that should be sorry." "For what you didn't do anything" Harm said brushing a strand of hair from her face. "I got drunk and pointed a gun at you" said Mac averting his gaze. Harm put took her by the shoulders. "Hey listen to me you didn't do that the vodka did it wasn't your fault." Mac smiled weakly. "I wish I could be as forgiving on myself as you are." Harm decided the best course of action would be to change the subject.

"I talked to the admiral, he gave us the day off so why don't you take a shower and I'll make breakfast." Mac didn't say any thing she just smiled and nodded before climbing out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. He looked after her and felt sorrow tug at his heart yet again.

She really was taking this hard. He could see it in the way she hung her head. He just wished there was more he could do. The sound of running water jarred him from his thoughts. He shook his head and went into the kitchen to make breakfast.

Five minuets into her shower Mac poked her head up from beneath the fogged glass that surrounded the shower "Smells good". She yelled over the water in an attempt to get his attention. Harm set the heat to simmer and walked over to the bedroom. "Sorry that's mine I haven't started cooking yours yet." "And what might mine be?" she inquired raising an eyebrow. "Just what you always have for breakfast, road kill" "Oh harm you spoil me" she retorted smiling. "Only the best for you." he replied flashing his flyboy grin.

"Seriously Harm could you please get the overnight bag from my car?" she asked. "Sure" he said turning on his heel and bounding down the steps. He was happy to see that she at least able to smile that he almost for got to turn off the stove. He grabbed her keys from the counter and headed out the door. He returned a few minuets later with a small brown suitcase. "Ok Mac here's your suit…"

The sight of her sitting on his bed with nothing but a towel wrapped around her slender form rooted him in place. She was brushing her hair back and it took her ten seconds to notice him standing there, grinning like he'd just won the lottery.

"Oh what, like you've never seen me like this before" she said standing up and placing the brush on the night stand. Harm dropped her suitcase, smiled and walked over to her. "No, I've seen you like this before" he whispered wrapping his arms around her. She put hers around his neck, closed her eyes and felt his hot breath against her lips "But every time I do you seem that much more beautiful" with that he pressed his lips against hers in a passionate, but gentle kiss. He pulled back and gazed into her eyes and felt yet another pang of sadness when he saw that, even though she'd smiled and joked with him, the hurt was still there.

He pulled her into a loving embrace, fighting back tears of his own. "I love you so much Mac and I promise I'll always be here for you. No matter what you do or what you say, you can always turn to me." He gently spoke softly into her ear. He heard Mac stifle a sob and felt her grip on him tighten "Harm you can't imagine how much I love you and grateful I am to have you to help me through this."

Harm attempted some humor"Hey, not that I mind but why don't you get dressed and I'll serve up breakfast" "Yeah alright" she responded pulling away from him and sitting back down on the bed as he turned to get her bag. "Here you go." Harm said placing her bag on the bed and heading out of the room. As he began making her plate a thought occurred to him. He picked up the phone and dialed the number to Bud's office.

But picked it up on the first ring "Roberts" "Hey Bud its Harm, I…" "Pardon my interrupting sir, but how's the Major?" Bud inquired in a worried voice. "Not to good Bud to be honest I'm kind of worried that she might not pull through that's why I called you." He said lowering his voice so the Major in question wouldn't overhear them. "I was wondering if you could bring over Little A.J. tonight after work. I think seeing him would do her a lot of good" "Sure thing sir" Bud said eagerly. "We were planning on stopping over anyway so I'll just call the baby sitter and let her know not to bother." "Thanks Bud." "Sure no problem sir is there any thing else I can do." "No not right now" "Ok good bye sir." "Bye Bud"

Harm set the receiver back in its cradle, put the remaining food on Macs plate, and headed back into the bedroom. Mac had put on a silk night gown and was sitting in bed with her eyes closed and head lulled to one side. Harm climbed into bed next to her and gently shook her shoulder to rouse her. She opened her eyes and shook her head to rid herself of the blurriness in her eyes. He offered a plate to her with a glass of orange juice

"Here I made bacon, eggs, sausage, toast, and hash browns." He barely had a chance to get his hand out of the way before she dove into it like she hadn't eaten in six weeks. "Well at least I won't have to worry about you becoming an anorexic." Harm mumbled as Mac somehow managed to fit two pieces of toast and a hash brown into her mouth.

Five minuets later Mac had a full stomach and Harm, who had lost all hope for her internal organs, had an upside down one. He came back in after loading the dish washer and sank into bed next to Mac. "So what do you want to do today? It's safe to assume judging by your attire that we aren't going out." "Honestly, I wouldn't mind just sitting and talking" she said in a semi-sad voice. "Alright" harm said sliding closer to her and putting his arm around her

"I have something I want to ask you first though." "Sure what is it?" She asked turning to look at him. "Well to be honest I really liked sharing my house with you and uh I was um well just wondering if I mean it's up to you…" "Harm" Mac interrupted "you sound like Bud now spit it out." Harm took a deep breath before continuing. "Would you want to move in with me, temporarily, at least until we get this Chloe thing sorted out." Mac smiled and snuggled closer to him "Harm you've been so kind to me how could I say no?"

Harm felt the lump in his throat returning but manage to choke out "Great" and "What do you want to talk about?" before the inevitable tears started streaming down his cheeks. "Everything" Mac said quietly giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek and wiping away his tears.

And they talked about everything, they talked about Chloe, Jag, Bud and Harriet, the admiral, but most of all they talked about each other. They talked from seven in the mourning to when the doorbell rang indicating that Bud and Harriet had arrived. "I'll get it" he whispered planting a soft kiss on her lips. His thoughts wandered to Mac as he walked towards the door.

Harm knew that Mac would pull through. _She's a marine,_ He thought, _she's my marine._

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A/N: Awwwwwwww fluff, fluff, fluffily, fluffs. I hope you like this chapter. If you did or didn't, review and tell me how I can do better and I will. Also I sorry if I'm sort of cold to you guys in my author's notes, I've been reading some other fanfics and it seems to me like I'm sort of a dick to you guys

I'm just really working hard on the story and don't really focus on these as much so don't think I'm arrogant or mean or anything I just really want to give you the best story I can.

Also if someone could tell me where Chloe lives that would be a huge help to me thanks

Signed -tokillabunny


	4. Chapter 4

See Chapter 1 for disclaimer

A/N: Well I'm back and have a very long chapter for you all today. This one I'm very proud of and I hope you like it too. Oh and little bit info about me I suffered from night terrors and drew from that experience for this chapter. Enjoy

**Terrors at Nightfall**

The doorbell rang alerting Harm and Mac, who were snuggling in Harms bed, that Bud and Harriet had arrived.

"I'll get it." Harm whispered kissing Mac gently on the lips. He hopped off the bed, strode to the door and opened it. "Hey thanks for coming on such short notice." He said stepping aside to allow a sullen faced Bud and grinning Little AJ inside.

"Of course sir it no problem at all" bud said picking up Little AJ as he bolted towards the bedroom "Ok buddy now when you see auntie Mac she's going to be really tired so try not to act to crazy ok?" little AJ nodded vigorously "Alright" he set him down. As soon as his feet were on the ground he exploded towards the bedroom like his life depended on it.

"Auntie Mac!" the toddler shrieked jumping up on the bed and throwing his little arms around Mac.

"Oh… little AJ what are you doing here?" Mac questioned raising an eyebrow and looking from Harm to Bud, who were standing in the doorway to the bedroom smiling.

"I'm sorry about Chloe auntie Mac." Little AJ said softly into her ear and kissed her on the cheek.

"So am I" she whispered holding his head against her shoulder and letting a few rebellious tears fall "so am I."

"Can I get you something to drink Bud?" said Harm giving Bud a look that told him how to answer.

"Sure sir" bud replied, and turned with harm to head into the living room leaving Little AJ to tell Mac about some new friend he met a daycare.

"So where's Harriet?" harm asked once they were seated on the couch in the living room.

"Well, the admiral could only spare one of us and we decided that it should be me." Bud responded. Harm nodded in response, it made sense Bud had known them longer then Harriet. But still he regretted that Harriet couldn't have been here. He was sure Mac would've liked to see her.

The continued to talk about work until little AJ came bouncing down the stairs and over into his fathers lap.

"Hey buddy, where's auntie Mac?" Harm questioned knowing the answer

"She fell asleep but I was good and didn't wake her." Little A.J. replied looking very proud of himself.

"Very good Little AJ." Harm said smiling and ruffling his hair.

"So sir any news on the news on the funeral" Bud questioned and little AJ yawned and cuddled into his dads shoulder to sleep.

"Nothing yet but I expect it'll be sometime next week, maybe Monday" Harm replied glancing worriedly at his bedroom. He then looked back at Bud who was cradling little AJ in his arms and asked him a question that had been nagging him for sometime. "Bud?"

Bud looked up "Yes sir?"

"Why wasn't I notified about Chloe?"

"Um… well sir you were supposed to be" Bud said looking at the floor

"What do you mean Bud?" Harm inquired fearing the answer

"Well sir I received the call from her grandparents saying that they'd called her place, her office, and cell phone and not gotten through to any of them. I went to Admiral Chegwidden and he said to call you and have you tell her. I tried your place, she answered, and she ordered me to tell her what was wrong." Bud studied an imaginary piece of dirt on his shoe. "I'm really sorry sir."

Harm placed a hand on Buds shoulder "Don't blame yourself Bud you did what any of us would've done."

"I know sir but still I can't help but feel a little responsible for what happened." Bud said setting Little AJ on the couch next to himself.

"Bud if it was any ones fault it should be mine for invi…" Harm was interrupted by a quiet moan coming from the bedroom. He cocked his head and looked at Bud "Did you hear that." Bud held up his finger and looked towards the bedroom. Another moan, louder this time, and with a slight hint of fear carried down the stairs towards the two of them.

Bud was the first to react. He climbed up off the couch and quickly but quietly made his way up the stairs to the bedroom with Harm right behind him. Upon entering the room they saw that Mac was writhing in bed mumbling incoherently. Bud was again, first into action dashing to her bedside table and hurriedly moving all the objects off it.

"What the hell are you doing?" Harm inquired as bud took a letter opener and placed it in his pants pocket.

"She's having a night terror sir" Bud said with more than a little urgency in his voice. "We've got to get her calmed down before…" Bud and Harm both jumped as Mac let out a horrific scream and began struggling wildly to escape from the sheets in which she was entangled in.

Harm rushed forward with the full intent of shaking her awake and ending her turmoil. But Bud, for a third time, got there first. He held up a hand and harm stopped a step from the bed. Whatever Bud was doing he seemed to know how to do it so from then on harm decided it would be in Macs best interests to let Bud do his thing.

"Major?" Bud asked softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. Mac stopped her struggling and turned to look at him her eyes filled with a terror neither Bud nor Harm had ever witnessed in a human before. "Do you know who I am?"

She looked at him for a moment before shaking her head.

Bud continued in a quiet voice. "My name is Lieutenant J.G. Bud Roberts and he" Bud motioned towards Harm "is Commander Harmon Rabb, we're both here for you OK?"

Mac looked from one to the other and nodded.

Bu motioned for Harm to come kneel next to him. Once he was there Bud leaned over and whispered in his ear. "Tell her how much you love her. But DON'T tell her she's all right or that it's just a dream."

Harm nodded and took Macs hands in his; he noticed that these weren't her normal warm, strong hands that he was used to, but rather the cold, clammy, shaking hands of someone who had just been told the were going to die.

"Mac" he whispered, his mouth dry. "Mac I want you to know that I'm here for you and that" he raised her hands to his lips and kissed them. "I love you more than you could ever imagine."

Mac smiled and a single tear ran down her cheek. "Thank you" she whispered.

"I said it once and I'll say it again, I'll always be here for you no matter what." Harm said reaching up and wiping the tear away with his thumb. He started to pull away but Mac placed her hand on his and held it against her face, embracing the strength and security that it gave to her.

Harm smiled and gently reached up with his other hand to place it on hers. But when he did Macs eyes shot open her breathing became panicky.

"Help me" she breathed her eyes darting around the room. Harm pulled his hand away and backed up to give Bud more room.

"What is it?" Bud asked replacing his hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong?"

Mac looked at them and they could tell the fear had returned and seemed as if it was actually worse then before.

"He's coming" she whispered taking in huge gulps of air. "He's coming for me"

"Who, who's coming for you" Harm questioned his voice overflowing with concern.

"Please" She begged looking from Harm to Bud, her eyes pleading for them to help. "PLEASE DON'T LET HIM GET ME!" she shrieked fighting desperately to ward off an unseen assassin.

"Major, relax, he can't hurt you he'd have to get through us first" Bud said trying to get her under control. It seemed to work somewhat, she stopped fighting, but her eyes darted around the room, searching for her attacker.

"Mac listen, I would never let any one hurt you ok?" Harm whispered climbing in to bed next to her and putting his arms around her. "Now tell me who is it, who's coming for you" Harm felt her tense up after he asked this and tightened his hold on her.

"Death" Mac whispered shakily laying her head in the crook of his neck. "He got Chloe and now he's coming for me" she raised her head and looked into his eyes and Harm saw that tears of terror were forming in hers. "Please, I don't want to die."

"Hey, hey, hey, you're not going to die." Bud said softly taking her hand. "The only people here are you and Commander Rabb, and me and Little AJ, and he's safe asleep on the couch. So why don't you go back to sleep, I promise you'll be safe with us around."

Mac nodded and smiled laying her head back on Harms shoulder. After which she quickly she quickly went back to sleep.

Harm set Mac back onto her side of the bed and pulled the cover up over her shoulders. He climbed out of bed careful not to wake her, and walked back down to the living room where Bud was sitting next to Little AJ running his fingers through his hair.

"Jesus" harm said flopped into a chair. "What happened back there?"

"She had what's known as a night terror, sir." Bud replied in a low voice so as no to wake Little AJ. "It's kind of like a nightmare but you can't wake the person having it up, and it's usually not as vivid, just a sense of fear coming from one specific thing, in Major MacKenzie's case, death itself."

"Now just how in the hell do you know all this Bud?" harm asked tilting his head o one side.

"Night terrors usually affect young children sir. I remember Little AJ had them almost nightly for a couple months when he was younger." He said smiling fondly and running his hands through the little tyke's hair.

"But then why would Mac be having them?" Harm questioned glancing worriedly towards the bedroom.

"Well sir people of all ages that have or are experiencing a lot of emotional stress can have them too." Bud explained.

Harm thought a moment before speaking again. "Okay but what should I do if she has another one"

"Well the first thing you should do is get anything that she could hurt herself or someone else with out of her reach, oh that reminds me." Bud reached into his pocked and returned the letter opener to Harm, which he set on the coffee table before motioning for bud to continue.

"Second would be to let her know that you're there for her and that you love her. But it's important to remember not to tell her that it's going to be OK or that it's not really happening."

"Why?" Harm inquired thankful that Bud knew so much about this subject.

"Because in her mind it really is happening and all telling her its ok when to her things are anything but ok would do is get her more worked up."

Harm nodded "Anything else"

"Just one more thing, don't turn on any bright lights or make any loud noises because that would just scare her more." Bud said before looking up towards the bedroom. Harm followed his gaze to see Mac padding silently down the steps.

"Hey Mac how are you feeling?" Harm questioned trying unsuccessfully to hide the concern from his voice.

"I'm okay just a little thirsty, but you two look like you've been through hell." She observed raising an eyebrow.

Harm looked at bud, who nodded, before turning to speak to Mac.

"Mac after you get your drink why don't come sit with us, there's something we want to tell you."

Mac looked from Harm to Bud and saw the seriousness in what they were saying and nodded. She walked over to the cupboard feeling their eyes on her as she took a glass and filled it with water. She carried her glass over to the coffee table and sat down next to Harm.

"What" she inquired noting the grave expressions etched onto their faces.

"Mac you really don't remember any of what just happened?" Harm asked softly.

"No" she breathed worry creeping into her voice "what happened?"

Harm took a deep breath before speaking "Mac you had a night terror."

"What's that?" she questioned looking from Bud to Harm

"It's kind of like a really bad nightmare ma'am" Bud spoke up.

"Then why can't I remember any of it?"

"I don't know, but you said death was after you" Harm half stated half asked.

Suddenly images, triggered partially by the speaking of death and by Harms touch, flooded her mind, those of a tall hooded man in a billowing cloak with two red glowing eyes reaching a skeletal hand towards her, those of Harm and Bud's eyes full of concern, and those of Chloe laying dead in a river with the cloaked man hunched over her.

"Oh god" Mac whispered suddenly feeling nauseous. She leaned forward in an attempt to steady her stomach.

Harm placed a hand on her back "Hey, are you alright"

"No" Mac croaked "I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Uh…" Harm looked around the room for something for Mac to throw up in.

Bud offered the garbage can next to the couch "Here sir"

Harm took it and held it under Mac not a second before she vomited her entire breakfast.

"Bud could you get me a wet washcloth" Harm asked as Mac dry heaved into the trash can.

"Sure sir" Bud replied getting up and jogged into the bathroom and returned a few seconds later. Harm set the now heavy trashcan onto the floor in front of Mac, took the washcloth from Bud and began wiping the excess bile off Macs face.

Bud heard his cell phone ring and went into the kitchen to answer it while Harm took the garbage can into the bathroom and dumped its contents into the toilet.

Mac took a deep breath and drew her legs up to her chest and rested her chin on her knees.

On his way back to the living room Harm was intercepted by Bud "Excuse me sir but that was Harriet and she wants me home right away."

"Alright then thanks for all your help I owe you." Harm replied offering his hand.

Bud shook it, picked up Little AJ gave Mac a friendly hug and headed out the door.

Harm returned and sat down next to Mac. "You wanna talk about it"

Mac shook her head.

"Ok maybe tomorrow, let's get some sleep" Harm commented to get up, but sat back down when Mac made no effort to stand up. "C'mon Mac it's…" Harm paused to look at his watch.

"Twenty-two fifty-eight" Mac finished his sentence for him. "And I'm not going to bed"

Harm moaned and rubbed his face "Don't tell me I'm going to have to carry your fat ass"

Mac didn't respond but Harm thought he saw the faintest hint of a smile playing on her lips.

"Okay have it your way" he said putting one arm around her back and another under her leg and carried her to the bedroom. He placed her in his bed and pulled the covers over her before climbing in next to her, rolling on his side, and snaking his arms around her waist. He pulled her close to him so that the full lengths of their bodies were touching.

"Don't worry" he whispered in her ear "I'll be right here."

"Thanks" Mac whispered placing her hands over his. She felt her fear be replaced by a warmth and security only he could give her.

With that they closed their eyes and drifted off to sleep.

A/N: Well that was sure a long one. Hope you all are enjoying this so far. And don't forget to read and review. Thanks for reading and I promise this story will be getting somewhere vary soon.

Signed -tokillabunny


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: OMG I am sooooooooo sorry about taking this long to update. My computer broke and I just got my new one hooked up. So any way here's the new chapter. And before I get 5,434 reviews saying that I skipped a part in the story it WILL be explained later on I understand it's a little confusing but it's already written and just needs the right time to be implemented. Ok so without keeping you any longer here is chapter five. Enjoy

**Demons Awoken**

Harm was dragged from his dreamless slumber by a knocking on the door followed by the cheerful "Delivery!" that told him a delivery guy had become confused and probably just gone up one floor too many.

Mac, who had also been awoken by the hammering on the door, rolled over to face Harm, as he sat on the edge of the bed rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Who's that?" she asked groggily rubbing her own eyes.

Harm flopped back down on the bed and positioned himself so that his face was only and inch or so away from hers before replying in a whisper "Just a confused delivery boy, go back to sleep."

After giving Mac a quick on the lips Harm hopped off the bed and headed towards the door.

Mac rolled onto her back and rubbed her face with both hands. She listened to the birds chirping out on the rooftops and the hum of an air conditioner a story up. Then she heard harm open the door and the thing she heard next would haunt her for years. For it wasn't the sound of harms trademark chuckle or the wary apologies of a sixteen year old kid.

But rather the angry cough of a silenced pistol.

Mac felt the adrenalin course through her veins and heard the footsteps of booted feet moving swiftly up the stairs. She saw a man in a hooded cloak step into the opening in the divider that separated the bedroom from the living room and raise a strange looking handgun in her direction.

Mac rolled off the bed just before a single shot pierced the mattress where she had been not a second before. She didn't hear anything but the pounding of her own heart in her ears as she yanked open the drawer to the nightstand where harm kept his Beretta.

She felt her hand close around the cold steel of the weapon, but at the same time felt a stabbing hot pain between her shoulder blades. Her arms suddenly felt like they were made of lead, her vision blurred, and her head began to spin. She tried turn to her attacker but before she was even half ways facing him she collapsed, and her world turned to black. Her final thought being a single name a name which alone brought at least a little comfort to her in her final moments "Harm".

---

Mac awoke to the smell of leather and the feeling as though a flash-bang grenade had just exploded next to her head. But at least she was alive that was a major plus. The next thing she noticed was that her legs were bound and her wrists were handcuffed to the armrests to what she assumed was a vehicle. Her theory was confirmed when said vehicle bounced putting a strain on her handcuffs and giving her feeling that she'd been hit in the head by a baseball bat.

A soft moan escaped her lips, alerting the man next to her that the drugs were wearing off.

"Finally awake" said a gruff voice, a voice Mac knew, a voice she thought she'd never hear again.

The pain in her head was forgotten and she turned to see a man that still haunted her dreams, a man that had planned to do horrible things to her.

"Detective Coster." She spoke trying not to let any of the fear she was feeling enter her voice. "I thought you were in a maximum security prison in Vermont."

"Yea, well, let's put it this way, I never miss an opportunity." He growled, Mac noticed that he had tightened his grip on the steering wheel "Besides," he continued "what's a few months to have what I wanted for so long. Hell, I'd spend ten years in prison to get a chance to have a weekend with you in an isolated cabin in the woods."

Mac could feel his eyes crawling over her body, invading her, watching her every breath. She knew what was going to happen to her if Coster got her to that cabin, and she knew that she couldn't let that happen.

It was a back road so the chance of alerting another motorist was slim. Mac tested the ropes binding her legs, no luck. She closed her eyes and let out a shuddering breath.

Coster, who had been watching her, let out a chuckle that made Macs blood run cold.

"I know what you're thinking" he said softly, almost consolingly "you're hoping that this is all a bad dream, and that in a few minuets you'll wake up in Harms loving embrace and you'll never have to worry about me again." With that he clamped his hand over Macs throat and began squeezing the life from her before continuing. "But let me assure you, that ain't gonna happen."

He then released her and she began coughing and inhaling deep ragged breathes of air.

"We've got a long drive ahead of us" Coster continued "you may want to get some sleep"

He hand disappeared into the waistline of his pants and reemerged with a Glock 17. Holding it by the barrel he smashed the handle into the side of Macs head.

She saw stars and felt unconsciousness calling her, and gladly allowed it to take her.

---

When Mac awoke the first thing she noticed was that her hands were free, and that she was lying on a _very_ comfortable leather couch. She felt the warmth and heard the merry crackling of a fire in a fireplace. For some reason Mac felt calm in this environment, it almost felt welcoming. Like that of a long lost friend rather than a crazed stalker.

Mac tried to sit up but immediately decided against it when her head throbbed in protest and gave her the feeling that shed just put it into a tornado. After her failed attempt to raise the pain in her head began to increase with what seemed like every heartbeat to the point that she felt like she was going vomit. She decided to open her eyes ever so slightly and take in her surroundings.

She cracked them open to see a fireplace with a large flat panel TV above it. Now something definitely wasn't right. Why was she untied, and why was there a five thousand dollar television above the fireplace. None of this made any sense.

Suddenly she heard footsteps from behind her and she became tensed. She had to wait for the right moment. Otherwise any hope she had of escaping would be gone. She heard them grow louder and louder until she felt a body blocking the heat of the fire. She could have made her move but still she waited. She heard the person kneel beside her and sigh before gently placing a cold rag on her forehead.

Mac made her move. All pain forgotten she lunged at her captor, hoping to take him off guard and shove him into the fire. But this failed miserably and her target simply caught her arms in his hands and, held her? Mac had been prepared to be thrown roughly back onto the couch and, at the very least, backhanded.

But instead the person, who she assumed was a man, simply held her arms and spoke in a very gentile, yet strained voice. "Mac relax, its okay I'm not going to hurt you."

Mac relaxed at the sound of the voice. It wasn't Coster's. But she remembered the voice. It was like a ghost from her past, a voice she thought she'd never hear again. She stopped fighting.

"Dean?" she asked quietly.

"Yep, it's me, back from the dead." said the figure enveloping Mac in a warm and loving embrace.

A/N: ok I introduced a new character into the fray. I will update later on this week and try to get the story back on track. Again to every one that's waited for the new chapter I'm really sorry this happened. Unless the problems are out of my hands I will update every three days or so. Thank you, goodnight


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Okay so here's chapter six, it should clear up any and all confusion and shed light on most everything. THIS IS ALSO A REALLY REALLY REALLY GRAPHIC CHAPTER IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY GRAPHIC DEPICITOND OF RAPE YOU SHOULD LEAVE NOW, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!!!!! **Bold** means it's a flash back so that should clear that up. Thanks for all the great reviews everybody you guys keep me writing. Enjoy!

From Chapter 5:

"Dean?" she asked quietly.

"Yep, it's me, back from the dead." said the figure enveloping Mac in a warm and loving embrace.

---

Mac rested her head on her old friend's chest. She felt a lump in her throat and the sting of tears in her eyes. He had been the first friend she ever had. They met on their fist day of basic training and had been friends ever since. She thought about all the wonderful times they had spent together. How he managed to make her smile in any situation, no matter how depressing. She remembered how she'd felt when they were assigned to different buildings in OCS, and then posts on opposite sides of the world.

Mac's reminiscing came to an abrupt end; the pain in her head had returned and multiplied ten fold. The room began to spin and her legs lost all their strength. She squeezed her eyes shut and began leaning heavily on Dean, trying her best to remain standing.

"Alright, back to the couch you go." Dean commented, half carrying her, half bracing her until she, with his help, was again lying on the couch.

Mac felt the cold washcloth being replaced on her head, followed by a gentile pressure being applied. After a few droplets had rolled down her face and into her mouth she realized just how thirsty she was.

"Hey, could I have some water?" Mac rasped amazed at how dry her throat was.

"Sure, just a sec" Dean said taking Macs hand and giving it a slight squeeze before walking into the kitchen.

Mac heard the sound of running water and his footsteps returning.

"Okay upsey daisy" He said sliding his free arm behind Mac and helping her sit up.

Mac felt the glass being placed to her lips and tilted slightly so she could sip the water.

She downed the whole glass in four gulps before taking in a deep breath and sighing.

"Man, you were thirsty" Dean commented setting the glass on the end table, and allowing Mac to lie back down.

Mac smiled, rolled onto her side, and rested her head on the armrest. She felt a blanket being pulled over her and gently tucked around her shoulders. It was then she realized that she hadn't yet seen her best friends face.

She slowly opened her eyes to see his smiling face, dark brown hair, and matching brown eyes. She again smiled, just seeing his face was enough to bring back so many fond memories. Memories that she had played back in her mind so many times after he had disappeared.

Mac felt tears slowly rolling down her cheeks at the thought of all the nights she lay in bed, making impossible deals with god that always started with "If you'd just bring him back I'll…", or the time after which when she'd cry herself to sleep because she realized it wouldn't happen. She remembered going to his funeral, where and empty casket was presented, and his mother, sobbing had told her how he talked of her every time he wrote home.

Mac hadn't realized that Dean had put his arms around her, and that she was weeping into his shoulder.

"Oh god I've missed you" she sobbed wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tightly.

"I've missed you too" he replied shakily feeling tears of his own streaming down his face.

After about fifteen minuets Dean noticed that Mac's breathing had become deep and steady, which told him that she had fallen asleep.

He gently laid her head back down on the armrest of his sofa before walking over to the recliner at the other end on the couch and flopping into it. He put up the leg rest turned onto his side and, with one final smiling glance at Macs sleeping form, fell asleep.

---

Mac woke with a start, her eyes dashed around the room before finally settling on the snoring figure in the recliner. She smiled remembering who it was and how caring he'd been to her.

The figure turned over to look at her.

"Time?" he asked stretching

"Nine forty-three" she replied rolling her head around and cracking the tendons in her neck.

"You know I wanna be there when they do your autopsy" he commented shaking his head.

"And why is that?" she questioned preparing to be on the receiving end of one of his affectionate jokes, for about the millionth time.

"Because I'm going to laugh my ass off at the doctor who cuts open you head and gets jabbed in the eye by a coco clock" he said grinning

Mac giggled and slowly sat up; noticing that the horrendous pain in her head had given way to a dull throbbing.

"So" Dean asked as she rubbed the receding goose egg on the left side of her head. "What do you remember from the time you spent with that fuck Coster?"

"How do you know about him?" she demanded with a slight hint of fear in her voice.

"You don't remember?"

"Remember what?"

"The cabin or the red-hot iron bar, neither of those ring a bell?" he asked incredulously.

Mac racked her brain, but came up empty.

"No it doesn't" she sighed.

"Alright, umm do you think you can stand?" he questioned getting up, walking over to her and offering a hand.

"I think so" she said before taking his hand and climbing to her feet. She lost her balance and began falling backwards.

"Woops" Dean said wrapping an arm around her to help steady her.

"Thanks" She breathed putting her arm over his shoulders.

"Aright lets get some shoes on and go for a walk" Dean smiled helping Mac to his front door.

"Umm I'm not really dressed to go outside" Mac commented motioning to the night gown that was draped over her.

"You look fine to me" Dean shrugged holding her at arms length and looking her up and down. "Besides the nearest towns a hundred miles away." He finished smiling

"What" Mac questioned, amazed

"Yep, remember my plan to buy a hundred square miles of property and put a giant house in the middle" Dean said making the appropriate hand gestures.

"So those Get Rich Quick schemes worked?" Mac chuckled

"If you must call it that then the proper term would be Got Rich Quick scheme" He nodded while tapping Mac on the tip of the nose at the word Got.

He and Mac arrived at the front door and knelt down next to a row of boots.

"So, what size are you" Dean asked moving his hand back and fourth over the line.

"I got it" Mac said picking up a pair of camouflage hunting boots and slipping them on.

"Okay then, ready to go?" He asked offering her his hand.

She took it "Yea let's go"

---

After a half an hour walk they arrived at a cabin. Mac, who still hadn't managed to stand by herself, stopped at the sight of it. She couldn't place her finer on it but something about the place gave her a bad feeling.

Dean noticed the troubled look on her face and he instantly felt guilty. He hated making her relive the nightmare Coster had put her through. But some things you just can't have other people tell you about.

"You okay?" he questioned giving her arm a gentile squeeze.

"I don't know what it is" she replied letting out a shuddering breath "but that place gives me the creeps."

"Well that probably your subconscious remembering something." He whispered hugging her a little tighter. "Come on we're going inside"

By the time they reached the door Mac condition went from being slightly creeped out to borderline terrified. She shook all over, even though it was seventy five degrees out, her breath was ragged.

As Dean put his hand on the door handle Mac involuntarily shuffled closer to him and let out a quiet whimpering noise. He turned to her.

"You gonna be alright?"

Mac gave him a soulful look "Please, do we have to go in?"

Dean pulled her into a gentle hug "I'm really sorry, Mac."

He opened the door.

Mac took a step inside and fell to her knees. Memories came flooding back to her.

**FLASH**

"**Get out" Coster growled pointing the gun to Macs head.**

**Mac slowly climbed out of the SUV.**

**Coster roughly grabbed her by the shoulder and shoved her ahead of himself. "Start walking towards the cabin and remember, turn around you die, try and run you die."**

**Mac considered doing just that, at least it would be on her terms and she wouldn't have to experience what he had in store for her.**

**But she didn't. She just walked to the door and stopped.**

"**Open it" Coster said excitedly.**

**Mac opened the door and walked inside.**

**She smelled the burning metal and froze. That got her a jab in the back with Coster pistol.**

"**Walk over to the bed and lay down." Coster commanded**

**Mac did as she was told, and instantly regretted it.**

**Coster set about tying her arms and legs each to a separate bedpost. After he was done he leaned over her face and spoke.**

"**Lets see harm get you out of this one" Coster leaned forward and placed his mouth over Macs.**

**Mac screamed and struggled against her restraints but they held. Tears began flowing down her face as he began placing his wretched kisses on her neck and shoulders.**

"**Oh I'm so sorry" he whispered caressing her cheek "I forgot what you need"**

**Coster walked calmly over to a shelf and brought back a bottle of Vodka and, just as he had only months before, began forcing the disgusting liquid down Macs throat.**

**Mac tried to fight it, she really did, but when you're lying on your back with both arms and legs tied it made things a whole lot harder.**

"**There, that better?" he asked after forcing her to drink more that an entire bottle.**

**Although in a drunken haze she still felt him as he began roughly fondling her breasts. **

"**Stop it, get off of me!" She screamed renewing her struggle against her ties.**

**He stopped and walked over to the other side of the cabin, picked up a bar, and carried it back over.**

**To Macs horror she saw that one end was red-hot**

"**Did I tell you, about the cult group I broke up my second year on the force?" asked holding the bar so close to Macs face that the smell made her nose burn.**

"**Please" Mac begged "please don't do this"**

"**SHUT UP YOU BITCH!" Coster screamed using his free hand to smack her across the face. "Now where was I, oh yes, I broke up this cult group that only accepted virgin women. The sick thing was, if they found out that one of them wasn't a virgin they shoved a steaming hot iron bar." He paused and motioned to the one he was holding "Much like this, one into them." He walked down to the end of the bed and began moving the horrific instrument up and down Macs inner thighs close enough to make them blister. Coster smiled "Something tells me you're not a virgin."**

**Suddenly the door crashed open and a man in full B.D.U. carrying a Retractable Stock MP-5 stepped in.**

"**Freeze asshole!" the man yelled switching the safety of his weapon off.**

**Coster simply laughed and yelled back "What is this a movie piss off dick face"**

**He continued moving the bar closer and closer to his destination.**

**The man leveled his gun with Coster's head. "DROP THE BAR GODDAMNIT DON'T MAKE ME SHOOT YOU!"**

**Coster didn't even look at him but instead thrust the bar towards Mac.**

**The MP-5 barked out three rounds, Coster fell off the bed, and began spasming erratically on the floor.**

"**Are you okay Ma'am?" the man asked pulling out a switchblade and cutting Mac free of the ropes that bound her.**

**Mac who had completely frozen simply stared at the ceiling and remained unresponsive.**

**The mystery mans face appeared, and although it was completely covered with a balaclava and he was wearing a Boonie hat, Mac got enough comfort from the eyes to say a simple and quiet "Yes".**

"**Oh Jesus, Mac, I don't believe it" he whispered taking her in his arms and hefting her over his shoulders. "You're gonna be fine, don't worry." He said gently patting her hand.**

**END FLASHBACK**

Mac stared at the floor trying to digest what she was seeing in her head.

She stood slowly and looked around the room the place that almost destroyed her. Her breathing became labored she felt like an eel had settled itself in her stomach. She felt as if the walls were closing in upon her. She felt a presence in the room; it was all around her, reaching at her from every side, trying to consume her. She turned and ran out of the hellish place.

As she ran out the door she felt two strong arms wrap themselves around her, holding he back, preventing her from escaping.

"LET ME GO!" She screamed twisting, turning, and lunging in an all out struggle to get free from the traitorous arms. "Please," she begged crying, but still not giving up her fight "Please let me go"

Mac fought for what seemed like hours before finally giving up and falling to the ground.

Dean sat beside her and held her head against his chest as she, well, sobbing didn't cut it; it was more like the outpouring of raw emotion.

"Why" Mac asked in a tiny voice "Why would you bring me here? Why wouldn't you just let me live without these memories"

"You had to know" he replied "You can't live your life not knowing everything about it."

"You're an asshole!" she yelled punching his chest, he'd have a bruise there in the morning but he deserved that and so much more.

Dean then spoke in a quiet voice laced with apology. "God, forgive me."

A/N: Ok so I don't know what's too graphic and what's not so I decided to put that warning there. I will explain more about Dean in the next chapter but I really wanted to clear up the confusion with the part I skipped. Anyway I hope you are really enjoying this as much as I am writing it. Oh, and what do you think of Dean as a name? I was looking for something different but not really weird, feedback is what keeps me going guys so don't forget to review. Tokillabunny, OUT!


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